If you’re reading this, chances are all of the following are likely true:
- You’re a female
- You always ask your man to do things and he never does
- You likely just got in a fight because he didn’t do what you asked yet again
Well it’s your lucky day. I’m going to share with you the secret about how to get your man to listen to you and do the things you want done.
I’ll be the first to admit when my wife reads this she’s probably going to slap me. This all came about when a colleague at work was venting about her live in boyfriend not fixing something around the house when she asked him to. As we got talking it was easy for me to figure out the reason why, and easy for me to tell her how to fix the problem. I’m betting this will work for many women out there (although I’m not going to claim it’s foolproof.
The real problem here is the difference in the way a man thinks about something and the way a woman thinks about something. We will illustrate with a simple story about a light bulb being out, and then we will break this down into how a man interprets the conversation as well as how the woman does, and finally I will share with you the way to fix the communication barrier.
A Burnt Out Bulb
The story is simple. The woman wakes up and is getting ready for work. She dried her work uniform the night before so she has to go into the laundry room to grab it. She’s the only one that does the laundry, but that’s okay with her. For some odd reason doing the laundry brings her peace. Her husband is off work that day so she thinks, I’ll just have him replace the bulb and life will be great. Before she leaves she says to him [and the wording here is important], “honey, the light bulb in the laundry room is dead.” He says ok, kisses her good buy, and later that evening can’t understand why she’s furious, we’re talking Bruce Banner on a bad day, just because he didn’t think to change the light bulb. Sound familiar ladies. Well I hate to place the blame on you, but that’s what I’m about to do.
Interpretations Are Like Assholes… Everyone Has Their Own
…and everyone else’s stinks. Is that a stretch? I digress. Here’s the issue. Women – when you say to your man, “honey, the light bulb in the laundry is dead,” you’re thinking that obviously if you tell him it’s dead he should know to replace it. What’s happening here is you women are giving us men way to much credit. You think we can read between the lines, connect the dots, or put two and two together. You think our brains are bigger and more advanced than they really are. You know that research shows that we think about sex on average every seven seconds right? And those thoughts aren’t necessarily one second long. If they are six seconds a piece for example that leaves us one second the think light bulb, and by the time we get that far it’s probably back to sex. You tell a man that the light bulb is out and he’s just going to look at it and agree with your observation. End of story. If he does happen to think about it any further (which mind you will be rare), it will be something along the lines of, “I don’t do the laundry so I don’t need to change it.”
So How Do I Fix Him?
You can’t. That’s the short answer. But you’ve heard the old adage that the only person you can change is you right? Well this is an easy change. You ladies can make a simple change to that statement, it won’t take you any more or less time than the previous statement, and it will yield results. So what is this big secret? Ask him to change the light bulb instead of telling him it’s out! It’s really that simple. Here’s how it works. If you say, “Honey, the light bulb in the laundry room is out, will you please change it before I get home,” you’ve completely taken all of the control. You have made the problem affect him. That’s the secret. Figure out how to make the situation affect him. In this situation he can’t think like before. Instead he’ll think through the following:
- I don’t do the laundry, but if I don’t change that light for her, she’s going to turn green and get angry (we know who Bruce Banner is right?).
- If I don’t do what she asks me to do she won’t be happy with me.
If that isn’t enough to get the job done he will ultimately realize that if she’s upset with him there will be no point in thinking about sex every seven seconds because he won’t be getting any for a while… so he’ll take a seven second break from thinking about sex to spin one bulb out and put another one in.
There you have it. Problem solved. Please let me know if you’ve tried this, if it worked for you.