Thanks For Hooking Up With My Mom
Haha. I had to throw this one in there. It’s not necessarily all that pleasant to think about, but if it hadn’t happened I wouldn’t be here. So dad… thanks for getting mom drunk in the back of a jeep, or wherever it happened.
Thanks For Providing For Me
I’ve spent more than half my life under your roof. You’ve fed me, gave me an allowance, and provided a safe home. You gave me the opportunity to have a quality education, a roof over my head, and never really climbed too far up my ass for being so lazy. I know I should’ve done more around the house, but I didn’t and you were never overly hard on me for it.
Thanks For Picking My Drunk Ass Up
The first time I drank with friends I thought I had you fooled. I thought there was no way you had me figured out. Maybe I had you fooled for a little while, however if you hadn’t figured it out by the time I was praying to the porcelain god you certainly knew at that point. Thanks for realizing I learned a valuable lesson, and laughing about it the next morning. That made the hangover much easier to deal with.
Thanks For Fixing My Car
So many times I’ve needed oil changed, brake pads replaced, timing belts changed, among God knows what else. I can’t fathom the amount of money you’ve saved me in auto repairs. Guess it pays to have a certified mechanic as a father. I know you wish I would’ve paid attention so I could do these things myself. Well hey, I half ass paid attention. I could change oil if my life depended on it, and I’ve still got that photo walk through we created for changing break pads. But let’s be realistic. I just don’t want to get my hands dirty. I’m going to pay somebody else to do it for me once you can no longer help.
Thanks For Sticking Up For Me
I don’t know how many times it happened, but there’s one time that sticks out. Fifth grade camp. One of the popular kids took my hat and you showed him who was boss. I was pissed because I thought you made me look like an even bigger loser. But his hairline looks like mine now, so I bet he wishes he never took my hat. He probably caught toilet bowl hair from me.
Thanks For Not Opening Up The Door
You know the time(s) I’m talking about. I’m sure you knew I was making out with her in there. God how you could’ve embarrassed me. And I’m sure you knew what I was up to. Thanks for keeping the door closed.
Thanks For Housing Me Beyond Eighteen
You could have kicked my ass to the street. Told me to go off to school somewhere, or go get a job and rent an apartment, or to follow in your footsteps and join the service. You didn’t. You let me stay there far too long. I appreciate it, and we had a good time. Speaking of good times . . .
Thanks For Partying With The Band
Thanks for putting up with our loud music. I don’t know many parents who would, but you let us practice there all the time. One of my favorite memories will be the night while you were still single that you decided to party with the band. I got to see your wild side, and it was uber entertaining! Thanks for letting us see that side of you. You know, I can’t recall the number of times that you used to tell me that you hoped you lived long enough to see me in a similar situation to whatever we happened to be arguing about that day. I can say I’ve had moments already as a father where the actions of my daughter have frustrated me. I’m sure you’ll get to see some of those moments you wished for soon, but now I can also see that even when you got mad at me, it was purely out of love. You’ve been an amazing dad and I’m very thankful that you’ve been a part of my life.